Thursday, May 11, 2006
3:12 PM
I'm sitting at my desk once again, feeling crappy and irritated. 1st of all, i can barely see what i'm typing, so much so that i have to actually peer at the computer screen( my face is about 2 inches away from it) to see what i'm writing. Everything is so blurry and my eyes feel umcomfortable. And do u know the reason why? Stupid colour contacts. They keep sliding up my eyeball. I try pulling them down but once i blink, it slides up again. Urgh.I think it's coz of the aircon. Even raising the temperature to 28degrees evidently has no effect. Damn.
Secondly, I'm hungry. And there's no food around here, save for some lousy junkfood. i guess it's my fault i didn't have lunch since i wanted to slim down, but i've seriously put on more weight recently... ah well.. about 2 more hrs to go before i have dinner..so so hungry....
Thirdly, I feel isolated from most of my friends. Because of work and other commitments, i've been pretty busy for quite a while, so i haven't had time to catch up with them-or rather, made the effort to.
Like how i haven't called up a certain friend-simply because i didn't feel like it or was busy, so now i think he doesn't wanna have anything to do with me. And then there're other friends who are either busy with school, work or new friends. Even when we still talk, i don't feel the bond or the closeness anymore. It sucks, really; this feeling of loss.
Hate it hate it.
The realisation of not being able to catch up with my friends during the June hols is another reason. Some of them will be having their term break, so it'll be a great time to hang out, but no, i can't, cause I'm
working. The mere thought of everyone having fun while i'm wasting away at work is depressing enough for me.
It's stupid, really. Looking back, i made a lot of terrible choices and look where it's gotten me now? Nowhere. I dunno what's the next step to take, whether i should continue retaking my A's, or whether i should just go poly. Wait, can I even make it to poly? I need to do up a portfolio(some 3D-animation clip) in order in get into DET, but i dunno if i can. It's just hard la.
On a good note, my secondary sch friend, Karin Teo, came to my workplace for a meeting with one of my colleagues and we chatted a little. Apparently, she's on an attachment program (final yr in poly) and she seems to be doing well.
Which leaves another thought: Why didn't I make that choice to go poly???!! I would have done better there.
Sigh. My contacts are finally back into place. But that doesn't change the fact that i still feel like shit. And hungry too.
